And Joy comes in the morning…

Our first day with her there were moments of grief for her.  She has teared up several times today.  But tonight (Friday), it was the worst one yet.  We went to a restaurant to get some dinner.  As soon as we sat down, she began to weep, and cry very hard.  We decided to head back upstairs, and eat later.   Once we got to the room.  She wanted out of my arms. I went to try to comfort her and she pushed her hand out to indicate she did not want me.  She did the same to Scott.  She began to take her bracelet off that he had given her. She took her flower head band off.  She would not take a new toy or doll that we had given her.  She walked (staggeringly) over to the window, and was pointing out.  She said something in her own language, the first thing we heard her say by the way, she was calling for someone.  It almost sounded like Mama, but it wasn’t.  I am not sure what the word was in the midst of her bawling, but I bet it was her caregiver.

She sobbed uncontrollably, and we could not console her.  She even began to try to take her dress off.  This was a sign to me that she was making very clear… I don’t want your stuff, I just want to be back to everything I know.

This did not hurt our feelings in the least.  It just hurts to watch her hurt.  We got down on the floor as close as she would let us., and we just watched her sob.  We wanted her to know we were right there, and it was okay, and she could come to us if she needed.

I am really thankful she feels the freedom to show her emotions.  I know some of the moms that have come back in the last year with their kids, have said their kids were almost scared to show sadness.  They later found out that the orphanage their children had come from told them not to cry or their new parents would be mad or disappointed.  However, our daughter is having no problems showing emotions to us… and we are great with it!  It had been about 30 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing at this point.

We continued to wait patiently and sang songs to her and prayed for her.  At this point I got on Facebook and asked our church to pray for her.  Immediately people wrote back saying they were praying.

Well the prayers worked!

After about a good 5-10 minutes more of hard core sobbing, Scott reached for her, and she went to him.  He took her on a little walk around the hotel.  

As they left the room, I almost lost it.  I had a moment of guilt…what have I done to her I thought?  Did I do the wrong thing? I cried out to God in prayer and He brought me comfort and reminded me of a beautiful picture of His love for me.

You know adoption is such an excellent picture of God’s love for us.  It demonstrates His loving pursuit of us, and his rescue of us from abandonment, and His love for the unlovable, and so much more.

But please hear me out… I am nothing like God…even though Scott and I play that role in this story of Lyla’s adoption.  In fact this whole adoption process has shown me how completely opposite I am of God!

I have been extremely impatient, doubtful, faithless, whiny, rude,  grumbling, emotionally unstable…I mean at times…I  have acted like such a little kid that didn’t get her way.

And there it was the beautiful picture God sent me.  He showed me….this little girl is like you Kelly.  And, I have always been there with you through it all your whole life.  I sat close by even when you didn’t want me to, I continue to reach for you even when you deny me.  I love you regardless of the fit or tantrum you throw.  I long for you to be in my arms.  I want to carry you and walk with you and show you wonderful things.

That picture, and the words that were coming through to me… Pure Peace.  I was reminded of God’s call on my life to adopt a child, and I was assured we did do the right thing.

Scott and Lyla returned to the room shortly.  She was still a little weepy.  You know the kind if weepy after you have cried so hard, that you just can’t breathe well.  So she kept doing that hard breathing thing for a few minutes.  I reached for her and she came to me.  We picked out a lollipop together, and she took a chocolate cookie.  

Then she was calm.  She just sat with us in our arms and enjoyed her snacks.  A chocolate cookie always helps things…doesn’t it?

Later, she started grinning with us again.  She initiated play with us, and we saw some teeth grins for the first time.  Joy to this Mama’s heart!

We played for a while, and ordered some room service.  Then we started the process of getting ready for bed.  I was worried bed time might make her sad, but I was wrong.  I think being sleepy makes her silly and giddy.  She was just a laughing last night.  Enjoy the video of her getting her teeth brushed.  Now she wants to brush her teeth all of the time. 

And she slept through the night and hard….no waking up in sadness, which was another concern.  But one thing I am not concerned about….is this girl is prayed up!  I know people all over are praying for her, and it is working.  We started the first morning together off great!  More to come!