Changed

What a day!  I mentioned in a previous post that today (Tuesday) has been a hard day.  Lyla has tested and pushed a lot today.  But, her attitude and choices later in the day got a whole lot better! Must have been all of you praying out there!

I wanted to write about our day in general but the end of the day is what I most want to write about…

This morning we had a wonderful breakfast with our friends.  They are always trying to serve us and cook for us.  They are really taking care of us and being such a picture of Christ to us through their actions.

Most of the morning we were dealing with some behavioral stuff with Lyla, with some coloring and some playing mixed in there. 🙂

For lunch, we all went and ate at a South Indian restaurant.  We all had Masala Dosa and some Vada.  My mouth is watering just thinking about it…Man, we love Indian food! 

Mica needed to run some errands, and I never turn down the chance to shop in India.  🙂  We went to Hyper City which is a store a lot like Target, but Indianized. (if that is a word?) 

I picked my sister up some kurtas, and the parachute pants.  Technically it is called salwar kameez, but I bought the pieces separate.  I also bought some more spices!  And, I found the boys a gift…. A cricket bat for each of them.  Can’t wait to give it to them!  I was also able to pick up another friend some outfits for her kids.  I’d say it was a successful day shopping.  

We came back home and took a little break, but soon we were heading back to the orphanage.

Mr. Pandit said we could come back and he would tell us more about our daughter, and I could possibly take some pictures of some other kids for their parents.  During our little afternoon break, I received two additional messages from families I do not know personally, and they had asked if I could see their kids too.  I am so happy to do that for them, I know I would wish for the same.  Now there are a total of five families I am trying to get pictures for.

We get to the orphanage about 5 pm.  We only wait a few minutes for Mr. Pandit.  We were sitting in that main lobby where it all started for us in that orphanage.  There was lots of activity going on though, our friend Brian went with us to help translate and to check the orphanage out.  He said because it is the first day of the month there is a lot of business to be taken care of.  I really think this lobby area is their main office area too.

Mr. Pandit came, and we chatted for about 20 minutes.  First he was telling us about the orphanage.  It has been operating since 1892, and what all they offer the children.  Then he started to tell us how lucky Scott and I are, because India had changed some of its adoption guidelines while we were in the process.  But, we were far enough along, that we did not get affected like some cases.  He was telling us how we had just escaped the changes that make it harder for foreigners to adopt from India.  He also  said we were lucky because he remembers when he put our daughter’s information out for agencies to show families…. he said that there were families in Austria, Mexico, Canada, America, Portugal, and Spain that wanted her…but we had accepted her referral just before they all did.  That is amazing to me, because it took Scott and I at least a week to make a decision because we were trying so hard to work out her heart surgery issues.  It really did my heart some good to hear that all of those people wanted her, but we were the ones that got her!  Mr. Pandit kept calling it luck, but I know differently….it is all God and His orchestrated plan… His perfect plan.

He said he has had our daughter since she was a baby.  That she was in a village in Bharuch, and then brought into town to a different orphanage, but they felt they could not care for her because of her health.  Mr. Pandit asked that they please bring her to the Ashram Orphanage.  And, that is where she spent the next four years of her life.  We believe from information we have been able to piece together that she has been there since she was four months old.

We asked about how the local Indians were with adopting, and he said he gets tons of requests.  They have so many that they only allow the nationals to come once a week in a four hour window, because they have so many.  That was refreshing to hear, yet he still has 100 kids in his orphanage.  He also told us of that 100 there are 95 girls and 5 boys.  My friends son Ajay is one of them.

We then got escorted in to that next little room right next to the office and to the left.  There was an elderly Indian woman in there, and she wanted to know all about Lyla’s surgery and was she okay now.  She is the secretary of the orphanage.  She said her husband helped build the complex there.  The men at the orphanage, and Mr. Pandit sure did show her a ton of respect… she must be a “Big Wig.”  We took some pictures with her and asked her if we could take a tour.

My heart was pounding as they were discussing it…I don’t think they let people tour the orphanage very much.  I was so hoping they would, so we could see what Lyla’s life was like in the early years, and I had all of these families counting on me!

Mr. Pandit agreed.  We started off by going to what he called the computer lab.  It was a room with about 15 desk top computers.  He said their children come there and learn computer skills.  He also said all of his emails go there and the young man that was in there prints them off and brings them to him.  This room was to the far right side of the courtyard, after exiting the office area.

Next we walked across the courtyard, (as if we had turned left out of the doorway from the offices)  After crossing the courtyard, we went towards the right lower corner of the building.  But as we were walking, on the second level, there was a group of kids looking over the balcony and waving and smiling.  I immediately spotted Ajay and Smita in the crowd. I hollered to them and gave them a big wave and hello.  They just smiled, laughed, and waved.

Next, we saw the kitchen and the dining hall.  He said they ring a bell and the kids come running.  We looked at the kitchen and he was very proud of the freezers they have.  They actually look nicer than the ones we have in our church fellowship hall.  🙂  He explained that all of the children sit in four long rows down the dining hall.  They sit on the floor, and I am sure they use their hands to eat…it is the Indian way.

As we were walking out of the dining hall, I looked the right and there were about six older girls sitting outside.  They hardly acknowledged us.  I looked up to my left and on the second floor there were a group of tween girls up there, waving and smiling.

Then we started back towards the offices.  I was thinking the tour might be coming to an end, but we took a left to a set of stairs that are right before you get back to the lobby/office area.

Up the set of steps was the rooms where Lyla spent her time in the orphanage.  It is three rooms all connected with with glass walls.  The bottom half of the wall is like a regular wall, but the top half is glasas, so adults can see in or across.  We first went into the nursery.  There were three tiny babies in there.  They were so little.  Smaller than any of my babies when they were first born.  Mr. Pandit told me one of the babies was being adopted. The nursery appeared to be very clean and safe.  And sterile, in the way of no toys, colors, or any type of decorations.  It was very quiet and calm.

The next room was a mid way room, for babies starting to walk and crawl.  There were only two children in here. In this room is where I met Sakshi.  I have two families I have connected with via the Internet from Ireland, and one set are her parents.  (Cheers! )  She is a beautiful child, younger than Lyla.   But she had a cute round face, and was a little bit more chubby.  I am beginning to see more evidence of how Lyla’s heart condition delayed her growth and development.  Sakshi was holding the hand of a caretaker and waddling around.  It was special to see my friends daughter, and I was rejoicing inside, because I know she has parents that are going to love her like crazy, that should be there within the next two months.

However, it was the next child, that just broke my heart.  It was a little boy in a walker.  He appeared to be about 2 or 3.  I could tell by his legs he had some sort of deformity or special need.  He looked very feeble.  But he had a beautiful face with big beautiful round eyes.  His walker was tied to the wall, so he could not really go anywhere.  Mr Pandit informed me that he had been turned down many times because he had Thalassemia, which is a blood disorder.  I walked over to him, and got down on his level.  I reached out for his hand… his eyes lit up, and I could tell he was enjoying having a friend talk to him.  I had to do all I could not to burst into tears right then and there.  My heart was so broken for him.  I hope the caretakers love on him, and I pray God will raise up a family for this boy.  I can’t even finish this sentence with out tears streaming down my face… He deserves a family just like a healthy child.

The next room had older kids (up to age 4), and ones that seemed a little more mobile.   There were about eight children in here…. and Sakshi and her caretaker followed us in there too, so I am thinking they use both rooms for the kids that are walking/crawling.  In this room, I was determined to find other children that are in the process of being adopted by other friends in the USA I have met via the Internet.  I found one.  The child was sitting on the floor and just watching us.  This child is blind in one eye.  I was thankful I got to see the child and relay info back to the mom.

But, I was sure I was going to see my other Irish friend’s daughter there… Mr. Pandit said she was with the older kids on the other side.  So I requested to see her.

Alll of the children in this area stare at us with these really straight somber expressions, much like my little Lyla when we first met her.  I think we are frightening in some ways because we are the probably the first white people they have seen, and we are so much taller than they are, as well as there caretakers.

Again, all of the rooms very clean and safe… just had no life in them…. no color, no fun, no toys, no decorations.  Mr. Pandit also mentioned there were two other children with a Thyroid disorder in that room that have been denied by families… Heart wrenching.   I know God had parents out there for these special children!

We left the nursery area, and down below waiting on us in the courtyard area was bright-eyed and giddy Ajay and Smita.  These kids are nothing but smiles, and so beautiful!  I snapped lots of pictures.  Now, I knew this might happen, and I think Amanada and I talked about this after our first visit with them.  But Ajay asked in Gujarati, when we were going to get to take him home.  We thought it might be confusing for him, but I asked Mr. Pandit to please explain that we are their parents’ friends and his parents are coming very soon.

Then Scott and I felt horrible, so we frantically searched for pictures of Amanda and Jeff (the parents) on our iPad and camera, because we had a recent visit with them in August.  But I had already deleted them off the devices.  I think I said out loud, too bad we can’t FaceTime.  Scott said lets give it a try, and we started looking for wifi, and were unsuccessful.  However our friend Brian is a computer engineer and he used his cell phone as a hot spot and we got wireless right there and we Face Timed with Amanda!

It was such an incredible sight to see.  I watched Amanda see her kids and talk to them for the first time “in person”,  and the kids we so happy and calling her Mama.  It did my heart some good too, to know that they could recognize that she was their Mom.  They enjoyed seeing their room, and most of all loved seeing their dog Willow.  They were laughing and holding hands with each other… such sweet siblings, who are going to join two other sweet siblings!  We probably spent a good 45 minutes with them.

During this time I got to see Minal, my other Irish friend’s daughter.  She is a little younger than Lyla, but walking very well, she too had more meat on her bones, in a healthy way and was very sweet and beautiful.  They told her to pick me a flower and she did…  A sweetheart.  She did not smile very much and she kind of had that same confused stare that the other children have had, but she warmed up to us later.  By default, the caretakers and Mr. Pandit got distracted with the whole Face Time thing and Minal stayed down there with us for a good bit too.

Smita and Ajay Carroll

 Our friend Brian was nice enough to snap the experience of face timing!

After that was over, I asked to see two other children, and Mr. Pandit said it was too late, that I could come back later in the week.  One was a sibling to the child with one blind eye, and the other belongs to a different family.  Unfortunately, I did not get to see them or learn much about them.  I am hoping when I go back for the passport I can learn more!

At this point on our little tour, there were some highs and lows for me…. my emotions had run their course.  As we were leaving we stopped again in the office/lobby area, where we first saw Lyla.  The police were bringing a baby into the orphanage that had been found.  When I saw the baby, I just could hold it in no longer.  I started crying with no control of the tear flow… they were dripping off my face onto the marble floor.  I looked at Brian and told him I needed to leave.  I could not take it anymore.  We left shortly after that.  I think all three of us were dealing pretty heavily with what we just saw.  I am still crying away.

It has taken me a while to write this post… yesterday was a huge day to process.  In addition to that, Scott’s last day here was today.  I knew this post would be long, and I wanted to spend time with he and Lyla as long as I could, before it was time for him to go to the air port.

I think I am still processing everything I saw during our tour.  Like I said before, it had highs and lows.  I think ultimately, I feel thankful that Lyla made her way to that orphanage…. wait…. I know that God brought her there to the Ashram.  Remember she was born in a different town, originally at a different orphanage… But God brought her there for specific time to be chosen by us.  Remember there were six other families that wanted her, but we got her.  To hear the whole story…I sit in awe of an awesome God that has been with Lyla from the very beginning.  All I can think of at the moment is Psalm 139…

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 f I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.
13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with you.

I am also thankful to see where she lived most of her days, and to know that it was clean and safe.  But also know an institution is still an institution, and nothing is like having a loving parent.

My heart is broken over the special needs kids, and also broken for the older girls I saw that may never be adopted because of their age.

I asked Mr. Pandit what happened to the older girls when they are too old to be in the orphanage.  He said he arranged marriages for them.  He seemed to be happy about that, and even joked…. “marriage process much like adoption process.”  I am not so sure I think it is great as he does.  I  hope he screens the men, like the families are screened for adoption.  It just makes me want to figure out how I can build a safe place they can go once they are too old.

Then there was the little baby I saw as we left.  If he/she is healthy, I am sure the baby will be adopted in no time at all.

Right now, I am still full of emotions over our experience.  I feel the same way I did after my second trip to India.  On that particular trip we spent a lot of time in orphanages.  I could hardly talk about my trip for days without crying….and this experience is the same way… one that has changed my life forever.